That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think my mom watched the whole time
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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