i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
