Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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