This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
