dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize