he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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