I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
