God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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