I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
