What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize