His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
