JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
