Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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