You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
