i wish starbucks made bloody marys
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
