The maid of honor just puked.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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