I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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