I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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