girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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