his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
