Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
