Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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