Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
