just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
