Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
