And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
