I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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