Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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