alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
