I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize