We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
