all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
