I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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