this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
