You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
