I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am one with the molecules
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
