Don't make out with my wife yet
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
