Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
