In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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