So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
as a side note pls kill me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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