I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
