Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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