your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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