About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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