Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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