If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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