i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
