Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
