And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
