Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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