So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
