I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
