It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
