so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
