If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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