A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
