you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
