well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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