Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
