My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
zippers are such a cool invention
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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