i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
