Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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