Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
