i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
