I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
