I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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