You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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