my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
