Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
