You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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