Define "chronic" masturbator.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
