Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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