Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
