hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
