Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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