dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
