Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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