just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The air was thick with penises
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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