I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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