i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
