Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
