after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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