Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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