then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize