I am in a vortex of obligation.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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