i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
