I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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