Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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