I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
