My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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