Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
