My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
