Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I believe in your delicious
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
