i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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