So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
