i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
