dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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