"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
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