I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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