I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
