please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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