I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize