I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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