Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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