plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
