You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
