I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
