im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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