Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
