I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Don't make out with my wife yet
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
