i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
